Kids, Ch. 11
Jun. 6th, 2007 04:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunmoonandspoonI think writing these last few chapters has cursed me, because now I'm sick. (Don't worry, it's more like what Sachi had than what L has, I'm not half-dead.) Anyways, here's chapter eleven. I hope my execution made sense, and I hope you enjoy the story to come!
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Kids
Chapter Eleven - Mocha Frappuccino
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The coffee shop is dingy and unpleasant. Sachiko knows of a nicer one nearby, but it's more expensive and Misa's not worth the money. The girl doesn't seem thrilled to be stopping here. She is, if not well-dressed at least expensively so, and that indicates that she can afford better on her own. Oh well, she'll have to deal with it or leave.
They head for the register, and Misa orders the most expensive items she can find. Sachi sighs but says nothing, there's no point in fighting and she can afford the ornate fruit salad, the heaping frappuccino. As long as she can tolerate her son's new beau by the end of it, it's fine. She orders a small coffee for herself, and they sit down. "So," she says. "Light hasn't bothered to tell me how the two of you met. Care to fill me in?"
Misa shifts uncomfortably, pops a blueberry in her mouth to avoid answering. Maybe it's something she'd rather not know about, maybe they were drunk and he took advantage, maybe they were somewhere that a mother wouldn't want her son to be. Maybe he bought drugs from her, bought her body, how the hell is she supposed to know?! "Um…we met in Aoyama," she says, after much deliberation. "It was a love at first sight kind of thing."
Sachiko doesn't believe in such things, to her love at first sight means wanting to hit that, but she'll let it go for now. "That's nice," she says, stirring sugar into her coffee, thinking idly that she usually takes it black. "Misa I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you are Light are very…different. It's a little difficult for me to understand what you see in each other. Don't you think you'd be happier with someone you have more in common with?"
"Opposites attract," Misa states, as if she has years of experience to back her up. Sachiko suppresses an eye roll, she knows that while they may attract, they don't last. She's had enough boyfriends to back her up there. She has a lot in common with Soichiro, and that's why they've been together all this time. (Though if similarity is the key ingredient, why haven't they had sex in months? Why can't she get her mind off Ryuzaki?) Anyway if that's all there is, the girl will be gone within weeks. Sachiko doesn't really need to try too hard to like her.
Misa continues to speak, much less nervous than she had been. "Our differences aren't a big deal, Misa likes everything about Light whether it's the same as her or not. The only problem is that Light is fighting against Kira, and Misa supports him…but that doesn't matter too much."
"You…support Kira?" Sachiko moves slightly away as she says this, it's hard to see Misa as sane now that she's said this. Not that Sachiko's given it much thought, she's banned it from her brain but all the same, Kira's evil, right? How could this girl…how can Sachiko in good conscience let her son date someone who supports a monster? "W-would you mind telling me why?"
"My parents were killed," she says, eyes to the ground and oh God, it's one thing to comfort Ryuzaki about his mother, she likes him, she can't possibly do the same for this skank! "And the man who killed them was allowed to go free. Kira killed him. He deserved to die, and Kira made it happen. But I love Light more than I love Kira, so I'm not going to try and stop him from fighting him. I just wish he would."
"I…see…" Sachiko mutters, taking a sip of her coffee and looking down too. They pass the rest of their time there in silence.
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On the way back Sachi finds herself wishing she had music with her. She's never taken anything along with her, she's always thought the natural world, her own thoughts, and a little conversation were more than enough. But her thoughts are frightening, the conversation strained and awkward. It's raining again. All she can do is listen to Misa complain about this and nod along, she isn't here and she doesn't care.
Here's what she cares about: Kira. She never wanted this to matter to her, she'd made a point of blocking out all thoughts of this, but how can she remain impartial when everyone she cares about is somehow tangled up in it? Her son is dating a Kira-supporter for God's sake!
Is this relevant? It does seem slightly suspicious that a Kira-supporter just happened to hook up with a member of the task force-completely at random! With lame clichés for reasons why! Should she tell Ryuzaki, would this be important to him, should she…?
Why did she think to tell Ryuzaki before her husband?
Sachiko doesn't have to think too hard about that one. There's not question, it's just there. She likes him. God damn it.
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It's over a week before L feels well enough to do anything. He'd spent the previous days lying on the couch wide awake, coughing so hard he'd sometimes vomit. He'd wasted hours debating whether to use a stronger but foul-tasting cough medicine, or stick with his current stuff that tastes like candy. Aside from panicking about not getting enough work done, he hasn't thought of Kira once.
But when the fever breaks and the coughs abate, he's furious with himself. Despite his previous inability to stand without fainting, he's convinced that he's been lazy, that due to his selfishness and stupidity the investigation has been irreparably set back. And so the minute he can move he gets to work, thinking that the first thing he should do is switch hotels. He's spent ages in this place, he can't stay here.
He still feels like an invalid though, and frankly, he's not sure that he can do this without losing consciousness. He cannot, for the moment, place trust in his body. Usually he'd call Watari, someone who he knows won't take advantage of his weakness, who he doesn't really have to explain himself to. But Watari's on his way to England, doing business for the orphanage, perhaps checking in on Mello and Near (Mihael and Nate, they should enjoy their time without subterfuge for as long as they can!) But yes, Watari's gone and work people aside, he doesn't know anybody else. Except, perhaps, Sachiko. Is she the kind of person he could ask to help him move? Can he trust her enough for this?
After excessive thought and a dizzy spell, he settles on yes. He will call Sachiko, and ask for her assistance.
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Sachiko had had plans to see Chie, her friend from high school, on the day that Ryuzaki calls her. Despite not having seen Chie in seven years, Sachi finds herself postponing something fun-shopping, mocking a god-awful movie, and general catching up-for something menial and boring. Because she wants to see Ryuzaki. Because she can't bear the thought of him attempting this alone. It'd be too much work, he'd be courting a relapse, Sachi's thrilled that he was responsible enough to call her. And so she cancels as politely as she can, asks a hurt and irritated Chie if they can do this thing another time.
That settled, she walks outside to help Ryuzaki, makes a quick stop at the coffee shop for a couple of those mocha frappuccino things that Misa had when they went there. Despite the decrepit décor, what they served looked good, and will probably prove useful. Ryuzaki's throat probably feels like an open wound, and this drink is cool and smooth. It's also caffeinated, which she thinks that he'll need, and cloyingly sweet, which she knows that he'll want. She gets one for herself for the hell of it, and heads for the hotel.
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When she arrives almost nothing has been accomplished, all Ryuzaki's done is drag a suitcase out and open it. He apologizes before she can comment, promises to start packing immediately. "I got tired," he explains, shrugging feebly as he loads up his supplies.
"Ryuzaki, stop that, just sit down!" Sachiko says, snatching a shirt from his hands and folding it. "I didn't come here to watch you pack, I came to do it for you. No offense, but you still look awful, and I'm sure you feel the way you look. I want you to rest while I take care of things, okay?"
He shakes his head, "that's ludicrous," he says. "I called you to oversee things take the trip with me in case I faint. I can pack my own bags, I'm not pathetic. You're not my mother, Mrs. Yagami, you don't need to do everything for me."
Not his mother. That was rude but on the mark, she's been mothering him like crazy. Because her own babies just don't need it, because he's a walking billboard with 'take care of me' scrawled across. But Ryuzaki is more than just her surrogate baby. He has beautiful hair, his curved back is growing on her, she is attracted to this man. Mother and lover combine in her mind, there's no role she could play that would not involve packing his things for him. And wait, Mrs. Yagami? That's her name but it doesn't fit, she's Sachiko, Sachi. Her own person and not just a wife.
"No," she says, "I'm not your mother. But hasn't anybody ever helped you with anything since you were five?" Sachi leaves out the 'since she died' but Ryuzaki's sober expression lets her know he understands.
"Yes," he says, sitting down on the couch so hard and fast she isn't sure if he's accepting her offer or just too weak to stand. "Yes they have. I'd never have accomplished anything without it…I'd probably be a drug addict, actually." And she bursts out laughing at that, the image of Ryuzaki snorting coke is hysterical for some reason. It makes her think that they've resolved this, that he'll accept her help so she says,
"Then in the interest of keeping you off drugs, how about you stay where you are, and I get these things packed, okay?"
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It's a few hours before they get to the new hotel, and by the time they do L's utterly exhausted. Despite Sachiko's attempts to minimize his workload, and despite the caffeine-and-sugar bomb that came with the frappucino, he is sleep-deprived and still not feeling very well. When they find the room he barely makes it to the bed before collapsing. (There's no couch, which annoys him to no end, but he'll deal with that later.) For a time he lays in silence, trying not to catch Sachiko's eye. She's staring at him, lost in thought, and he doesn't want to interrupt her, wreck the silence. But she speaks.
"Ryuzaki," she says, lying next to him and pulling away immediately, as if she's come too close to something that disgusts her. He feels a stab inside him when he sees this. He doesn't want to care, but…anyway she's still talking. "There's something I need to tell you. I don't know if it's a good idea to say it, so I want you to focus more on trying to sleep. You are in desperate need of sleep. Anyway look, this is going to sound ridiculous, but I…" She stops. This makes him horribly nervous. She what?
"I think I may have feelings for you," she mutters, curling slightly into herself as she speaks. She's nervous, too. Which makes sense. People tend to get nervous when making up outrageous lies. L does not respond, just chews on his thumb and waits for her to mock him or explain. "It's not that I want to, I'm married and it's completely wrong but I…I can't help it. I think about you more than I should, I want to see you more than I should. I'm not asking you to do anything. I just thought that you should know. Just in case you have feelings for me too."
After hearing this L is certain he will never sleep again.
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She is gone from him. She is giving him 'time to think.' He doesn't need time to think, he needs her to decide this for him, this isn't logical and he doesn't know how to connect to his feelings. He doesn't know if he wants her, if he is capable of transcending morals, of being somebody he's not. Maybe Ryuzaki would want this, or Ryuga Hideki. But not him, not L Lawliet, this person is a detective and that's it. And those names are extensions of the detective. They are fake. He is fake, L Lawliet is fake. He is not a human being if he doesn't want this.
He's not supposed to be one. He is a detective, a successful one, a remarkable thing to be. He has a whole institution full of kids clawing to be him. Isn't that enough? He can't hold onto that if he gets sucked into a relationship, especially not one that's bound to put a strain on the current case. This is Mrs. Yagami, Chief Yagami's wife! It would be absurd to take her up on it, there is no logic backing it at all.
And there might be sex, too. He is totally inexperienced; the most he's done is masturbate, alone. L is 25 years old and hasn't had a girlfriend or a first kiss or anything, he has cut himself off from all of that. Because it's completely useless, he's a detective, not a man. He's socially awkward, slightly repulsive, he couldn't be with someone if he wanted to. Sachiko must be out of her mind.
But he wants to change. He wants to learn about sex, about people. He wants to be a human being, what he might have been if his parents hadn't died, if Watari hadn't snapped him up and made L something more than a letter. He wants to know what he's been missing, what normal people make the center of their lives. Sachiko might be the stupidest person in the world to try this with, but it's the only chance he'll ever have. And if he gets closer to her, maybe she'll reveal something about Light.
That's it. The answer's yes. If she doesn't change her mind and abandon him, he'll tell her that yes, he has feelings for her too.
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In lieu of spoilery ff.net author's notes, you guys get threatened! Comment or I shall bamboozle you with lipstick-wearing marsupial!
For you: All The Same by Sick Puppies. Because daya_chan says it reminds her of this fic. If anyone else has music this reminds them of, send it along! I might make an FST one day!
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Kids
Chapter Eleven - Mocha Frappuccino
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The coffee shop is dingy and unpleasant. Sachiko knows of a nicer one nearby, but it's more expensive and Misa's not worth the money. The girl doesn't seem thrilled to be stopping here. She is, if not well-dressed at least expensively so, and that indicates that she can afford better on her own. Oh well, she'll have to deal with it or leave.
They head for the register, and Misa orders the most expensive items she can find. Sachi sighs but says nothing, there's no point in fighting and she can afford the ornate fruit salad, the heaping frappuccino. As long as she can tolerate her son's new beau by the end of it, it's fine. She orders a small coffee for herself, and they sit down. "So," she says. "Light hasn't bothered to tell me how the two of you met. Care to fill me in?"
Misa shifts uncomfortably, pops a blueberry in her mouth to avoid answering. Maybe it's something she'd rather not know about, maybe they were drunk and he took advantage, maybe they were somewhere that a mother wouldn't want her son to be. Maybe he bought drugs from her, bought her body, how the hell is she supposed to know?! "Um…we met in Aoyama," she says, after much deliberation. "It was a love at first sight kind of thing."
Sachiko doesn't believe in such things, to her love at first sight means wanting to hit that, but she'll let it go for now. "That's nice," she says, stirring sugar into her coffee, thinking idly that she usually takes it black. "Misa I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you are Light are very…different. It's a little difficult for me to understand what you see in each other. Don't you think you'd be happier with someone you have more in common with?"
"Opposites attract," Misa states, as if she has years of experience to back her up. Sachiko suppresses an eye roll, she knows that while they may attract, they don't last. She's had enough boyfriends to back her up there. She has a lot in common with Soichiro, and that's why they've been together all this time. (Though if similarity is the key ingredient, why haven't they had sex in months? Why can't she get her mind off Ryuzaki?) Anyway if that's all there is, the girl will be gone within weeks. Sachiko doesn't really need to try too hard to like her.
Misa continues to speak, much less nervous than she had been. "Our differences aren't a big deal, Misa likes everything about Light whether it's the same as her or not. The only problem is that Light is fighting against Kira, and Misa supports him…but that doesn't matter too much."
"You…support Kira?" Sachiko moves slightly away as she says this, it's hard to see Misa as sane now that she's said this. Not that Sachiko's given it much thought, she's banned it from her brain but all the same, Kira's evil, right? How could this girl…how can Sachiko in good conscience let her son date someone who supports a monster? "W-would you mind telling me why?"
"My parents were killed," she says, eyes to the ground and oh God, it's one thing to comfort Ryuzaki about his mother, she likes him, she can't possibly do the same for this skank! "And the man who killed them was allowed to go free. Kira killed him. He deserved to die, and Kira made it happen. But I love Light more than I love Kira, so I'm not going to try and stop him from fighting him. I just wish he would."
"I…see…" Sachiko mutters, taking a sip of her coffee and looking down too. They pass the rest of their time there in silence.
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On the way back Sachi finds herself wishing she had music with her. She's never taken anything along with her, she's always thought the natural world, her own thoughts, and a little conversation were more than enough. But her thoughts are frightening, the conversation strained and awkward. It's raining again. All she can do is listen to Misa complain about this and nod along, she isn't here and she doesn't care.
Here's what she cares about: Kira. She never wanted this to matter to her, she'd made a point of blocking out all thoughts of this, but how can she remain impartial when everyone she cares about is somehow tangled up in it? Her son is dating a Kira-supporter for God's sake!
Is this relevant? It does seem slightly suspicious that a Kira-supporter just happened to hook up with a member of the task force-completely at random! With lame clichés for reasons why! Should she tell Ryuzaki, would this be important to him, should she…?
Why did she think to tell Ryuzaki before her husband?
Sachiko doesn't have to think too hard about that one. There's not question, it's just there. She likes him. God damn it.
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It's over a week before L feels well enough to do anything. He'd spent the previous days lying on the couch wide awake, coughing so hard he'd sometimes vomit. He'd wasted hours debating whether to use a stronger but foul-tasting cough medicine, or stick with his current stuff that tastes like candy. Aside from panicking about not getting enough work done, he hasn't thought of Kira once.
But when the fever breaks and the coughs abate, he's furious with himself. Despite his previous inability to stand without fainting, he's convinced that he's been lazy, that due to his selfishness and stupidity the investigation has been irreparably set back. And so the minute he can move he gets to work, thinking that the first thing he should do is switch hotels. He's spent ages in this place, he can't stay here.
He still feels like an invalid though, and frankly, he's not sure that he can do this without losing consciousness. He cannot, for the moment, place trust in his body. Usually he'd call Watari, someone who he knows won't take advantage of his weakness, who he doesn't really have to explain himself to. But Watari's on his way to England, doing business for the orphanage, perhaps checking in on Mello and Near (Mihael and Nate, they should enjoy their time without subterfuge for as long as they can!) But yes, Watari's gone and work people aside, he doesn't know anybody else. Except, perhaps, Sachiko. Is she the kind of person he could ask to help him move? Can he trust her enough for this?
After excessive thought and a dizzy spell, he settles on yes. He will call Sachiko, and ask for her assistance.
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Sachiko had had plans to see Chie, her friend from high school, on the day that Ryuzaki calls her. Despite not having seen Chie in seven years, Sachi finds herself postponing something fun-shopping, mocking a god-awful movie, and general catching up-for something menial and boring. Because she wants to see Ryuzaki. Because she can't bear the thought of him attempting this alone. It'd be too much work, he'd be courting a relapse, Sachi's thrilled that he was responsible enough to call her. And so she cancels as politely as she can, asks a hurt and irritated Chie if they can do this thing another time.
That settled, she walks outside to help Ryuzaki, makes a quick stop at the coffee shop for a couple of those mocha frappuccino things that Misa had when they went there. Despite the decrepit décor, what they served looked good, and will probably prove useful. Ryuzaki's throat probably feels like an open wound, and this drink is cool and smooth. It's also caffeinated, which she thinks that he'll need, and cloyingly sweet, which she knows that he'll want. She gets one for herself for the hell of it, and heads for the hotel.
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When she arrives almost nothing has been accomplished, all Ryuzaki's done is drag a suitcase out and open it. He apologizes before she can comment, promises to start packing immediately. "I got tired," he explains, shrugging feebly as he loads up his supplies.
"Ryuzaki, stop that, just sit down!" Sachiko says, snatching a shirt from his hands and folding it. "I didn't come here to watch you pack, I came to do it for you. No offense, but you still look awful, and I'm sure you feel the way you look. I want you to rest while I take care of things, okay?"
He shakes his head, "that's ludicrous," he says. "I called you to oversee things take the trip with me in case I faint. I can pack my own bags, I'm not pathetic. You're not my mother, Mrs. Yagami, you don't need to do everything for me."
Not his mother. That was rude but on the mark, she's been mothering him like crazy. Because her own babies just don't need it, because he's a walking billboard with 'take care of me' scrawled across. But Ryuzaki is more than just her surrogate baby. He has beautiful hair, his curved back is growing on her, she is attracted to this man. Mother and lover combine in her mind, there's no role she could play that would not involve packing his things for him. And wait, Mrs. Yagami? That's her name but it doesn't fit, she's Sachiko, Sachi. Her own person and not just a wife.
"No," she says, "I'm not your mother. But hasn't anybody ever helped you with anything since you were five?" Sachi leaves out the 'since she died' but Ryuzaki's sober expression lets her know he understands.
"Yes," he says, sitting down on the couch so hard and fast she isn't sure if he's accepting her offer or just too weak to stand. "Yes they have. I'd never have accomplished anything without it…I'd probably be a drug addict, actually." And she bursts out laughing at that, the image of Ryuzaki snorting coke is hysterical for some reason. It makes her think that they've resolved this, that he'll accept her help so she says,
"Then in the interest of keeping you off drugs, how about you stay where you are, and I get these things packed, okay?"
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It's a few hours before they get to the new hotel, and by the time they do L's utterly exhausted. Despite Sachiko's attempts to minimize his workload, and despite the caffeine-and-sugar bomb that came with the frappucino, he is sleep-deprived and still not feeling very well. When they find the room he barely makes it to the bed before collapsing. (There's no couch, which annoys him to no end, but he'll deal with that later.) For a time he lays in silence, trying not to catch Sachiko's eye. She's staring at him, lost in thought, and he doesn't want to interrupt her, wreck the silence. But she speaks.
"Ryuzaki," she says, lying next to him and pulling away immediately, as if she's come too close to something that disgusts her. He feels a stab inside him when he sees this. He doesn't want to care, but…anyway she's still talking. "There's something I need to tell you. I don't know if it's a good idea to say it, so I want you to focus more on trying to sleep. You are in desperate need of sleep. Anyway look, this is going to sound ridiculous, but I…" She stops. This makes him horribly nervous. She what?
"I think I may have feelings for you," she mutters, curling slightly into herself as she speaks. She's nervous, too. Which makes sense. People tend to get nervous when making up outrageous lies. L does not respond, just chews on his thumb and waits for her to mock him or explain. "It's not that I want to, I'm married and it's completely wrong but I…I can't help it. I think about you more than I should, I want to see you more than I should. I'm not asking you to do anything. I just thought that you should know. Just in case you have feelings for me too."
After hearing this L is certain he will never sleep again.
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She is gone from him. She is giving him 'time to think.' He doesn't need time to think, he needs her to decide this for him, this isn't logical and he doesn't know how to connect to his feelings. He doesn't know if he wants her, if he is capable of transcending morals, of being somebody he's not. Maybe Ryuzaki would want this, or Ryuga Hideki. But not him, not L Lawliet, this person is a detective and that's it. And those names are extensions of the detective. They are fake. He is fake, L Lawliet is fake. He is not a human being if he doesn't want this.
He's not supposed to be one. He is a detective, a successful one, a remarkable thing to be. He has a whole institution full of kids clawing to be him. Isn't that enough? He can't hold onto that if he gets sucked into a relationship, especially not one that's bound to put a strain on the current case. This is Mrs. Yagami, Chief Yagami's wife! It would be absurd to take her up on it, there is no logic backing it at all.
And there might be sex, too. He is totally inexperienced; the most he's done is masturbate, alone. L is 25 years old and hasn't had a girlfriend or a first kiss or anything, he has cut himself off from all of that. Because it's completely useless, he's a detective, not a man. He's socially awkward, slightly repulsive, he couldn't be with someone if he wanted to. Sachiko must be out of her mind.
But he wants to change. He wants to learn about sex, about people. He wants to be a human being, what he might have been if his parents hadn't died, if Watari hadn't snapped him up and made L something more than a letter. He wants to know what he's been missing, what normal people make the center of their lives. Sachiko might be the stupidest person in the world to try this with, but it's the only chance he'll ever have. And if he gets closer to her, maybe she'll reveal something about Light.
That's it. The answer's yes. If she doesn't change her mind and abandon him, he'll tell her that yes, he has feelings for her too.
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In lieu of spoilery ff.net author's notes, you guys get threatened! Comment or I shall bamboozle you with lipstick-wearing marsupial!
For you: All The Same by Sick Puppies. Because daya_chan says it reminds her of this fic. If anyone else has music this reminds them of, send it along! I might make an FST one day!
