Kids, Ch. 17
Dec. 7th, 2007 07:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunmoonandspoonHa, you guys don't get the apologetic explanation for a lack of updates that the folks on fanfiction.net do. If you're reading my journal, you know I did NaNo in November, and as a result I haven't really been able to work on any other writing projects. I am sorry, and I will update with greater frequency in the future. There are several other projects that I ought to complete first, mostly things I promised people, but I won't go two months without an update again!
Anyway, here's chapter 17.
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Kids
Chapter Seventeen - Canned Coffee
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Soichiro will be home in half an hour.
It's 2 AM and he has absolutely no regard for her sleep schedule, Sachi doesn't get why he can't just come home in the morning. He knows that she'll wait up for him, that she has to wake up at 6 AM to drive Sayu to the train station for her three-day school trip to Kyoto. She isn't getting any sleep tonight, and unlike some people she knows (Ryuzaki), she isn't very good at functioning without it.
It'll be twenty minutes, now.
Those forty-five minutes are spent at the computer, Sachi surfing idly for anything that'll catch her interest. She could nap, but she'll wake up exhausted and irritable. So instead she clicks on random links, checks her mail and screws around until she comes across the blog of someone whining about their inability to sleep. Her own lack of sleep has Ryuzaki's insomnia swimming around in her head anyway, so when she hits the link of course she misses him. So much that she has to press her fists into her eyes to keep from crying.
Back on the Internet, she finds the negative impact a lack of sleep can have on you-a link provided by the insomniac's sister tells her this. And Sachiko remembers something she promised Ryuzaki long ago, something he's likely forgotten about entirely. She had, too, until now. She had promised to write an essay convincing him that he ought to sleep, that it would hurt him not to. She doesn't feel good about doing this anymore; she knows he doesn't have a choice, that he knows all this, but all the same. She will write the essay, and whether she gives it to him or not is yet to be seen.
Five minutes, and he's here early, he is opening the door…
She minimizes the browser; heart pounding like a teenager caught looking at porn. Soichiro enters the room and comes up behind her, leans in and drapes his arms around her. Sachiko tries her best not to stiffen, tries her best to be glad that her husband has returned to her. This is her real life; she must give up on her pointless fling. "Welcome home," she says, turning around and forcing herself to gaze into his haggard face. He looks exhausted, ugly. He has done a poor job shaving, and his eyes are shot with red. Sachiko does not know how she was ever attracted to this man.
"Thank you," he says, and he kisses her. She finds it disgusting that he has not brushed his teeth, she wants him to go to bed and leave her be, but she stands up. She flattens herself against him, tries to love him as much as he thinks she does. She does, or she will, anyway. This is all she has now. This is all she has a right to.
But Soichiro parts from the kiss, moves away from her. "I need to get some sleep," he says. "I'm sorry, but I have to go back to work again tomorrow, and right now I can hardly even stand."
Relief and rage flood her at once, she wants him gone but she's sick of his excuses, reasonable though they may be. She would never contest his right to sleep, she has never said a word in all their years of marriage, but he isn't there for her, every speck of strength he has is for the job. And he isn't so strong, anymore. He's had a heart attack, his hands look arthritic, he's old. She will focus on this, make her concern for his health mean she loves him.
But Ryuzaki's insomnia still worries her more.
"Good night," Soichiro says, pulling her again into an embrace. He whispers into her hair, "I love you."
Thank God, he leaves before she has to answer him.
----------
The tension between them would be miserable if L allowed it to become so. Light seems to be deeply disturbed by what happened, he does not speak to L unless it is absolutely necessary, and he is clearly uncomfortable whenever he does. Now they are both distracted, and this isn't good, they have a new suspect now and they need to be on top of it. There's a third Kira now, and this one is worse than the other two. The motive is money and this is atrocious, at least the first Kira had false justice backing him.
At least he's doing something. So much of this case is just sitting around, attempting to reap information from barren fields of paper. This gives his mind time to wander, and now he hasn't got any of that time. L doesn't like where his mind wanders off to. His mind can't seem to remember that while it may inhabit a human body, it is not human. It is a detective, which is more than enough. The goal is ridding the world of a monster, not running into the arms of someone else's mother.
L takes a sip of his coffee, sludgy with sugar, and tells Light that he'd like to review the tape from Yotsuba's Friday afternoon meeting. "Some of their statements were, to put it mildly, intriguing. Will you accompany me to the TV room?"
Without waiting for an answer, he stands and heads out, Light nearly tripping over the handcuffs as he's dragged along.
----------
Sachiko is alone again, moreso than when the house was empty. At least when Soichiro is not home, she does not feel guilty for not being with him, or feel like they ought to be making love right this minute. It doesn't matter that he's dead asleep, or how estranged she feels from him. They are married and they should be having sex. The fact that they're not makes her nervous, worthless, and in desperation she turns back to the computer.
The word processing program looks awfully tempting at the moment. She starts typing, pulling up her browser every paragraph or so to check her facts. Every sentence brings her closer to Ryuzaki, makes her forget her promise to forget him. She forgets, too, that he has cut off all contact with her; that in all likelihood Sachiko will never see Ryuzaki again. Because he will avoid her, won't he? She must have altered him completely. And if she sees him again, she aims to alter him further. But for the better, like she would try to alter anyone she loved.
She types quickly, ignores the temptation to check her email forty-seven times. The late hour is getting to her, and she has to fight to stay awake, take sip after sip of her coffee. It isn't good coffee, she doesn't even drink coffee, but it was the sweetest thing in the world she could find. And she needs sweets, just now. And coffee. Because God, she misses Ryuzaki. And she's a hypocrite for staying up this late.
Within an hour, the essay is complete. She doesn't know what to do with it, now. She could mail it in if she knew where to send it, but she doesn't. She has no idea where Ryuzaki is, or where her husband and son are spending their days. All she can think to do is send the letter along with Soichiro. She knows that would be a horrible idea, that if he read the thing he'd know her secrets. There is more to this essay than there ought to be. Her feelings are blatant, but Sachiko is finding it harder and harder to care. Maybe she wants Soichiro to know that she loves Ryuzaki, that she taught him how to make love in a cheap hotel room. That she loves everything about him, even the dark rings beneath his eyes that she wishes he'd destroy with a night or two of solid sleep. That she loves him more than she loves Soichiro, now. Because even though Ryuzaki has cut her off, she knows that he did it because he could not handle it, because it was not safe or smart to be with Sachiko. Not because he doesn't care. And Soichiro…doesn't care. Their marriage is a façade, they keep it up because Soichiro doesn't have the time to think it over, because Sachiko would never dream of divorce. But there hasn't been real love in this house for a long time now.
She can't take this. It's too static. She wants something to happen, anything, even if what happens is that she loses her husband, her kids. She just wants an outcome, whatever it is. She will handle whatever it is, when it comes. For now, she prints the essay up, and places it in an envelope, along with a quick instructional note. Leaves it for her husband to take with him in the morning, and tells him that it's meant for Light. There is nothing unusual about writing a letter to her son, Soichiro won't suspect her for a moment. And besides, he's a man of honor, she knows he will not read the note. She is steeling herself in case he does, though.
Hopefully, her son is as wonderful as she thinks he is. Hopefully, he will follow her instructions.
----------
L is taking a small break from work when Chief Yagami bursts in, clutching an open envelope in his sweaty hands. His eyes are bouncing around in his skull, he's breathing hard and obviously nervous. L wonders if it's connected in any way to the contents. He is tearing the glue off the envelope, fingering the letter inside. Light blinks, greets his father and asks if there's a problem. "It's…not a problem, exactly, at least it's not anything you need to concern yourself with. I just need to speak with Ryuzaki, that's all. Privately."
"That will not be possible," L says, lifting the handcuffs and staring at Light. He turns back to Yagami and asks him if he aims to compromise the case. "Because," he says, "I need to be keeping an eye on the suspect, at all times. I am not going to change my mind simply because you need to speak to me. I've given you a specific time frame in which you may speak to me in private, though of course those hours are not fixed. They depend on Light's sleep schedule. In other words, we can have this conversation when he's asleep."
Neither Yagami nor his son seem thrilled with this, but they assent to it all the same. Yagami presses the sweat-soaked envelope into L's hands, trembling and grinding his teeth as he does so. "Read this," he says. "We'll discuss it tonight. You'll need time to prepare yourself, I'm sure, because I have no idea how you can possibly explain this." And with that, he stomps off, leaving L to feign calm in the face of a brewing apocalypse. He assigns Light a small and menial task, asks him to go over the information they received from Namikawa for the fourteenth time. Once the boy is fully occupied, he takes out the letter, and begins to read. First, there is a note to Light, asking him to pass this note along to L, and not to let his father see it. L thinks it best not to tell Light about this, as it is clearly too late for him to heed his mother's word. He keeps reading.
----------
Dear Ryuzaki,
A long time ago, I promised that I would write you an essay about all the terrible things that a lack of sleep can do to you. It's been a while since I've had to sit down and write a real essay, as I've been out of school for over twenty years, so please forgive me if the structure is not as exact as you'd prefer. I suppose this is more of a letter than an essay, but I'm sure you'll be more annoyed with my nagging than with my misnomer.
First and foremost, a lack of sleep can contribute greatly to the development of heart disease and diabetes. For you, this is especially likely, due to your eating habits. I have never once seen you eat anything that I would allow my kids to eat as a meal. Ice cream, cookies, and cake are undeniably delicious, but they lack essential nutrients, and excess could make you quite sick. Excess can also contribute to the development of heart disease, and diabetes. If you don't sleep, or eat properly, you are setting yourself up for it. And those are both diseases that can kill you. A lack of sleep and proper nutrition also opens you up to further things that can kill you-just one of these things will suppress your immune system, both will leave you nearly defenseless. It is not at all surprising to me that the sickness we shared hit you so much harder than it did me. You don't take care of yourself, Ryuzaki, and you don't have time to be sick.
A lack of sleep can cause mental instability as well. It has been known to contribute to clinical depression, and psychosis. Sometimes, you do seem depressed. If you don't get enough sleep, you could hallucinate, something that could interfere severely with your job. It can decrease your cognitive abilities, something that I'm sure is important to you. You may have sexual difficulties as well-not something you need at such a young age.
Debilitating side effects aside, you are constantly exhausted and that's clear. It can't possibly feel good to have to force yourself through the day everyday. I understand that sleep is not easily won for you, but perhaps if you cut down on your caffeine and sugar consumption you'd have an easier time. Even if that doesn't help, there are other ways. You could take sleeping pills, there are herbal remedies, there's hypnosis-whatever you choose, there is something out there that will work for you. Sleep is not an unattainable goal. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. More than worth it. The quality of your life will soar. You may even find yourself with enough energy to find happiness outside of your job. To find love. To become a complete human being.
So please Ryuzaki, sleep. Sleep, and eat your vegetables.
Love,
Sachiko
----------
As usual, your reward for reading is a song. Enjoy 'Don't Die In Me' by Mirah, and leave me a comment! I love you all!
Anyway, here's chapter 17.
----------
Kids
Chapter Seventeen - Canned Coffee
----------
Soichiro will be home in half an hour.
It's 2 AM and he has absolutely no regard for her sleep schedule, Sachi doesn't get why he can't just come home in the morning. He knows that she'll wait up for him, that she has to wake up at 6 AM to drive Sayu to the train station for her three-day school trip to Kyoto. She isn't getting any sleep tonight, and unlike some people she knows (Ryuzaki), she isn't very good at functioning without it.
It'll be twenty minutes, now.
Those forty-five minutes are spent at the computer, Sachi surfing idly for anything that'll catch her interest. She could nap, but she'll wake up exhausted and irritable. So instead she clicks on random links, checks her mail and screws around until she comes across the blog of someone whining about their inability to sleep. Her own lack of sleep has Ryuzaki's insomnia swimming around in her head anyway, so when she hits the link of course she misses him. So much that she has to press her fists into her eyes to keep from crying.
Back on the Internet, she finds the negative impact a lack of sleep can have on you-a link provided by the insomniac's sister tells her this. And Sachiko remembers something she promised Ryuzaki long ago, something he's likely forgotten about entirely. She had, too, until now. She had promised to write an essay convincing him that he ought to sleep, that it would hurt him not to. She doesn't feel good about doing this anymore; she knows he doesn't have a choice, that he knows all this, but all the same. She will write the essay, and whether she gives it to him or not is yet to be seen.
Five minutes, and he's here early, he is opening the door…
She minimizes the browser; heart pounding like a teenager caught looking at porn. Soichiro enters the room and comes up behind her, leans in and drapes his arms around her. Sachiko tries her best not to stiffen, tries her best to be glad that her husband has returned to her. This is her real life; she must give up on her pointless fling. "Welcome home," she says, turning around and forcing herself to gaze into his haggard face. He looks exhausted, ugly. He has done a poor job shaving, and his eyes are shot with red. Sachiko does not know how she was ever attracted to this man.
"Thank you," he says, and he kisses her. She finds it disgusting that he has not brushed his teeth, she wants him to go to bed and leave her be, but she stands up. She flattens herself against him, tries to love him as much as he thinks she does. She does, or she will, anyway. This is all she has now. This is all she has a right to.
But Soichiro parts from the kiss, moves away from her. "I need to get some sleep," he says. "I'm sorry, but I have to go back to work again tomorrow, and right now I can hardly even stand."
Relief and rage flood her at once, she wants him gone but she's sick of his excuses, reasonable though they may be. She would never contest his right to sleep, she has never said a word in all their years of marriage, but he isn't there for her, every speck of strength he has is for the job. And he isn't so strong, anymore. He's had a heart attack, his hands look arthritic, he's old. She will focus on this, make her concern for his health mean she loves him.
But Ryuzaki's insomnia still worries her more.
"Good night," Soichiro says, pulling her again into an embrace. He whispers into her hair, "I love you."
Thank God, he leaves before she has to answer him.
----------
The tension between them would be miserable if L allowed it to become so. Light seems to be deeply disturbed by what happened, he does not speak to L unless it is absolutely necessary, and he is clearly uncomfortable whenever he does. Now they are both distracted, and this isn't good, they have a new suspect now and they need to be on top of it. There's a third Kira now, and this one is worse than the other two. The motive is money and this is atrocious, at least the first Kira had false justice backing him.
At least he's doing something. So much of this case is just sitting around, attempting to reap information from barren fields of paper. This gives his mind time to wander, and now he hasn't got any of that time. L doesn't like where his mind wanders off to. His mind can't seem to remember that while it may inhabit a human body, it is not human. It is a detective, which is more than enough. The goal is ridding the world of a monster, not running into the arms of someone else's mother.
L takes a sip of his coffee, sludgy with sugar, and tells Light that he'd like to review the tape from Yotsuba's Friday afternoon meeting. "Some of their statements were, to put it mildly, intriguing. Will you accompany me to the TV room?"
Without waiting for an answer, he stands and heads out, Light nearly tripping over the handcuffs as he's dragged along.
----------
Sachiko is alone again, moreso than when the house was empty. At least when Soichiro is not home, she does not feel guilty for not being with him, or feel like they ought to be making love right this minute. It doesn't matter that he's dead asleep, or how estranged she feels from him. They are married and they should be having sex. The fact that they're not makes her nervous, worthless, and in desperation she turns back to the computer.
The word processing program looks awfully tempting at the moment. She starts typing, pulling up her browser every paragraph or so to check her facts. Every sentence brings her closer to Ryuzaki, makes her forget her promise to forget him. She forgets, too, that he has cut off all contact with her; that in all likelihood Sachiko will never see Ryuzaki again. Because he will avoid her, won't he? She must have altered him completely. And if she sees him again, she aims to alter him further. But for the better, like she would try to alter anyone she loved.
She types quickly, ignores the temptation to check her email forty-seven times. The late hour is getting to her, and she has to fight to stay awake, take sip after sip of her coffee. It isn't good coffee, she doesn't even drink coffee, but it was the sweetest thing in the world she could find. And she needs sweets, just now. And coffee. Because God, she misses Ryuzaki. And she's a hypocrite for staying up this late.
Within an hour, the essay is complete. She doesn't know what to do with it, now. She could mail it in if she knew where to send it, but she doesn't. She has no idea where Ryuzaki is, or where her husband and son are spending their days. All she can think to do is send the letter along with Soichiro. She knows that would be a horrible idea, that if he read the thing he'd know her secrets. There is more to this essay than there ought to be. Her feelings are blatant, but Sachiko is finding it harder and harder to care. Maybe she wants Soichiro to know that she loves Ryuzaki, that she taught him how to make love in a cheap hotel room. That she loves everything about him, even the dark rings beneath his eyes that she wishes he'd destroy with a night or two of solid sleep. That she loves him more than she loves Soichiro, now. Because even though Ryuzaki has cut her off, she knows that he did it because he could not handle it, because it was not safe or smart to be with Sachiko. Not because he doesn't care. And Soichiro…doesn't care. Their marriage is a façade, they keep it up because Soichiro doesn't have the time to think it over, because Sachiko would never dream of divorce. But there hasn't been real love in this house for a long time now.
She can't take this. It's too static. She wants something to happen, anything, even if what happens is that she loses her husband, her kids. She just wants an outcome, whatever it is. She will handle whatever it is, when it comes. For now, she prints the essay up, and places it in an envelope, along with a quick instructional note. Leaves it for her husband to take with him in the morning, and tells him that it's meant for Light. There is nothing unusual about writing a letter to her son, Soichiro won't suspect her for a moment. And besides, he's a man of honor, she knows he will not read the note. She is steeling herself in case he does, though.
Hopefully, her son is as wonderful as she thinks he is. Hopefully, he will follow her instructions.
----------
L is taking a small break from work when Chief Yagami bursts in, clutching an open envelope in his sweaty hands. His eyes are bouncing around in his skull, he's breathing hard and obviously nervous. L wonders if it's connected in any way to the contents. He is tearing the glue off the envelope, fingering the letter inside. Light blinks, greets his father and asks if there's a problem. "It's…not a problem, exactly, at least it's not anything you need to concern yourself with. I just need to speak with Ryuzaki, that's all. Privately."
"That will not be possible," L says, lifting the handcuffs and staring at Light. He turns back to Yagami and asks him if he aims to compromise the case. "Because," he says, "I need to be keeping an eye on the suspect, at all times. I am not going to change my mind simply because you need to speak to me. I've given you a specific time frame in which you may speak to me in private, though of course those hours are not fixed. They depend on Light's sleep schedule. In other words, we can have this conversation when he's asleep."
Neither Yagami nor his son seem thrilled with this, but they assent to it all the same. Yagami presses the sweat-soaked envelope into L's hands, trembling and grinding his teeth as he does so. "Read this," he says. "We'll discuss it tonight. You'll need time to prepare yourself, I'm sure, because I have no idea how you can possibly explain this." And with that, he stomps off, leaving L to feign calm in the face of a brewing apocalypse. He assigns Light a small and menial task, asks him to go over the information they received from Namikawa for the fourteenth time. Once the boy is fully occupied, he takes out the letter, and begins to read. First, there is a note to Light, asking him to pass this note along to L, and not to let his father see it. L thinks it best not to tell Light about this, as it is clearly too late for him to heed his mother's word. He keeps reading.
----------
Dear Ryuzaki,
A long time ago, I promised that I would write you an essay about all the terrible things that a lack of sleep can do to you. It's been a while since I've had to sit down and write a real essay, as I've been out of school for over twenty years, so please forgive me if the structure is not as exact as you'd prefer. I suppose this is more of a letter than an essay, but I'm sure you'll be more annoyed with my nagging than with my misnomer.
First and foremost, a lack of sleep can contribute greatly to the development of heart disease and diabetes. For you, this is especially likely, due to your eating habits. I have never once seen you eat anything that I would allow my kids to eat as a meal. Ice cream, cookies, and cake are undeniably delicious, but they lack essential nutrients, and excess could make you quite sick. Excess can also contribute to the development of heart disease, and diabetes. If you don't sleep, or eat properly, you are setting yourself up for it. And those are both diseases that can kill you. A lack of sleep and proper nutrition also opens you up to further things that can kill you-just one of these things will suppress your immune system, both will leave you nearly defenseless. It is not at all surprising to me that the sickness we shared hit you so much harder than it did me. You don't take care of yourself, Ryuzaki, and you don't have time to be sick.
A lack of sleep can cause mental instability as well. It has been known to contribute to clinical depression, and psychosis. Sometimes, you do seem depressed. If you don't get enough sleep, you could hallucinate, something that could interfere severely with your job. It can decrease your cognitive abilities, something that I'm sure is important to you. You may have sexual difficulties as well-not something you need at such a young age.
Debilitating side effects aside, you are constantly exhausted and that's clear. It can't possibly feel good to have to force yourself through the day everyday. I understand that sleep is not easily won for you, but perhaps if you cut down on your caffeine and sugar consumption you'd have an easier time. Even if that doesn't help, there are other ways. You could take sleeping pills, there are herbal remedies, there's hypnosis-whatever you choose, there is something out there that will work for you. Sleep is not an unattainable goal. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. More than worth it. The quality of your life will soar. You may even find yourself with enough energy to find happiness outside of your job. To find love. To become a complete human being.
So please Ryuzaki, sleep. Sleep, and eat your vegetables.
Love,
Sachiko
----------
As usual, your reward for reading is a song. Enjoy 'Don't Die In Me' by Mirah, and leave me a comment! I love you all!
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