sunmoonandspoon

Title: Kyrie
Written For:

stakeh. The prompt was dark religious themes and the relationship between Mello and his mother, so I had some fun with that. Hearing my fiance sing Kyrie in a choral performance was a major inspiration.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Mello (referred to as Mihael here) and his parents.
Warnings: This contains some mangling of the Lord's prayer, and some insulting words towards religion in general issuing from Mello's father. Please note that these do not reflect my opinion on the subject.
Word Count: 1,214

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

We Keehls are very bad people, Mihael. God throws back His head and roars with laughter when we dare to speak His name. We have little hope of gaining His grace, and our prayers are met with scorn. This does not mean, Mihael, that we should not try. If we give up on God, we give up on life itself. You can see that we have nothing else.

I’m sorry Mihael. It was God’s will that your father lose his job, and perhaps it is God’s will that he stays out doing who-knows-what all day and doesn’t come home despite not working. Perhaps God wishes for us to find blessings outside of the material world. I have more than enough books, I can reread them, and you have more toys than any child I’ve ever seen. We don’t need to buy you any more. I know that it’s a little frightening not knowing where your father is, but he always returns after you’re sleeping. He hasn’t abandoned you, and even if he has, God hasn’t. Nobody else matters to you except God.

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

I hate living here it’s dirty and nasty can we go back to Grandma’s house please this place is horrible why is it so cold here why don’t we have heat anymore it smells bad in the basement Mom can you fix this please Mom the water is brown Mommy there isn’t any water anymore Mommy I’m thirsty Mommy the rain is leaking through the pipes can you ask God to fix this okay??

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Annaliese, why the fuck didn’t you pay the heating bill? We still had money for that, I had money set aside for this in case I lost my job in the middle of winter! We have a small child in the house, it’s not okay for us to go without heat when it’s snowing outside! Mihael doesn’t know he’s not supposed to talk about the house, he’s going to say something in school and then child services is going to take him away. Do you hear me? No, God isn’t going to stop that from happening. Don’t use God as your argument, it makes it obvious that you aren’t trying to find a solution for yourself. And besides, what the fuck kind of God wants a five-year-old kid to die of hypothermia? Yes, it is that cold. Annaliese, listen to me. No, God isn’t talking right now. Listen to me you crazy goddamn whore.

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

Okay Mihael, are you watching Mommy? I want you to do exactly as I do. Clasp your hands together like this, and kneel on the ground. I know that the splinters hurt your knees dear, but that’s just God trying to announce his presence. Embrace the pain. Now forget

about

me.

God will tell you what He wants you to do.

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

Look, I know this is going to be a shock to the system, but. Annaliese? Not everybody agrees with you when it comes to this God thing. Do you understand that this is the first motherfucking meal we’ve had together in months? Do you know what I had to do to buy this shit? There is no God in what I’ve done. I refuse to say grace before the meal, alright? I refuse. I’m not going to thank God for my hard work. If there were a God, I wouldn’t have to do the things that I’ve….I wouldn’t have to be on the lookout for the fucking cops and…Mihael, you’re here. You don’t need to hear about all that. Eat up kid, this is the last good meal we’re going to have for a while.

But Daddy I don’t like potatoes.

That’s all there is. God isn’t going to grow food you’d prefer on your plate because you ask him to, this is all the fuck there is. I don’t know about you, but I’m not into the whole ‘Mihael starving to death because he wouldn’t eat his fucking potatoes’ thing.

I HATE POTATOES I HATE POTATOES I HATE POTATOES CAN I JUST EAT THE BREAD THEY GIVE YOU AT CHURCH INSTEAD POTATOES ARE NASTY LETS GO TO CHURCH AND GET BREAD OKAY LETS GO NOW I HATE POTATOES AND

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

I HATE YOU.

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

Your father is an evil man. He means well, he only sells those terrible drugs because he thinks he has to provide for his family. He just doesn’t understand that God is testing him. If God wanted us to have money for food, your father would still have his job at the car factory. If God finds us worthy, He will deliver us from poverty. Your father is defying God’s will, and so, he is evil.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made the choices God would have me make. I wonder if He

meant for me to marry you. I wonder if He meant for me to give birth to Mihael. I’ve tried my best to be a loyal servant, but perhaps God would have preferred I married a more righteous man. And since I did marry a man who was unrighteous, am I really deserving of the blessing I’ve received in my son? Mihael is flawless. I can’t think of anything I’d change about him, except to try to bring him closer to the Lord.

That’s why I can’t tell him how perfect he is. I don’t want him to take God’s blessing for granted. All I can say is

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

I love you I love you I love you love you love you love you need you thank God for you love you love you so much.

Son I’m so fucking sorry, this isn’t what I wanted, didn’t want you growing up knowing your dad was a scumbag I’m sorry I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get caught didn’t mean to get that damn kid killed didn’t mean to get arrested it wasn’t my fault I just wanted to feed you love you love you love you hope your mother’s God will protect you love you so much.

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

Nothing matters except God.

Who knows if I’m ever getting out of jail, if the system will give me my fucking kid back, wife’s insane it was the heat thing, if she’d just paid the heating bill then they never would have taken him they

WHERE ARE MY MOMMY AND DADDY???

LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP, NO, I WANT TO GO HOME!!!

God please give me back my baby, the drugs weren’t mine they were my husband’s and he wasn’t using them, he was only selling, God, please, I can take care of him, I’ll do anything You ask me to just please God give me back my Mihael.

Kyrie eleison—Lord have mercy on us.

Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.

On Earth as it is in heaven.

FUCK.