Making sense is for jerks, you know it to be so.

[sunmoonandspoon]

You probably don't remember this, but way back in the distant past (last month) I signed on to do this meme. For those who can't be bothered to click on the link, the meme is one where I have to write dialogues between characters. I've done three of the requests, with the help of the lovely ich_bin_puppy. Those three are Ash & Light (requested by templar1138), Mello & Ayame (requested by stressbeertje), and Taichi & Near (requested by expertease). The rest will be up when we write them. Enjoy the crack!

Light: Excuse me, sir? Er…young man? What are you doing to that creature?
Ash: What, you mean Pikachu?
Light: Yeah. Whatever you named it. Why are you electrocuting it? Don't you think you might be causing it some pain?
Ash: I'm not electrocuting Pikachu, stupid, Pikachu's electrocuting that pidgey over there.
Light: That's not possible. You must have some cables or something hooked up to its cheeks. I don't see any, but a rabbit or whatever it is can't possibly electrocute anything. And if you are telling the truth, why is it torturing that poor bird?
Ash: *not listening* Pikachu, use tackle!
Light: Oh my god. What is this, did you train that thing to fight? What is wrong with you? *Rummages around for a scrap of Death Note*
Ash: *still not listening* Pokeball, go!
Light: What is your name?
Ash: What? You want to know my name? Really? Awesome! No one ever cares who I am! My name is Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town!
Light: Ash…Ketchum. But you're…you're clearly Japanese. And you're…capturing those animals. Wow. How can your name possibly be such a bad pun? And another thing, why are you capturing those animals? You realize that forcing them to fight is against the law, right?
Ash: Wow, you don't know anything, do you? They're Pokemon, duh. You catch them in these balls here and train them to battle each other. It's very competitive.
Light: That's monstrous. And totally unbelievable. Let me guess, you can also collect a bunch of Dragon balls and have your wishes come true? Fun! I think I'm going to leave now…I have to go 'fight evil by moonlight.'
Ash: Hey, by the way, what was that word you mentioned earlier? What is a rabbit?
Light: *facepalm* It's that yellow thing you're abusing. *Finds the scrap of Death Note and writes down 'Ash Ketchum-is electrocuted to death.'*
Ash: Maybe you met someone else with a pikachu named Rabbit or something, but that's a pikachu. And what was that other one, animal? I don't know that either.
Pikachu: *suddenly realizes he's not going to take this bullcrap any more* Piiiii-kaaaaa-chuuuuuuuu!!!!!!
Ash: *smolders* Oh god…ow…I'm dying…
Light: Yes. Congratulations. You've just been Kira'd.

~`~`~

Mello: Uh, hey, does anyone here know where the bus stop is?
Ayame: Oh! Oh my. Welcome, welcome to my shop, dear boy. Please, sit down. Clearly there is much work to be done.
Mello: I don't know what you're talking about, but I have somewhere to be. Can you just tell me where the bus is?
Ayame: All in due time, all in due time! First, we have to do something about that outfit! It's unacceptable! And your hair is absolute wreck! And….*gasp of shock and horror* your skin! What have you done to your poor skin?
Mello: Yeah, you see this thing on my face? Over my eye? I can't read the fucking map for the bus route because of this, so tell me where it is, damn i-wait, what do you mean my…what's wrong with my outfit?
Ayame: Your coat is so ratty, it looks like you stole it from a homeless man!
Mello: Well for your information I didn't steal it from any homeless man, I found it at a coat drive and took it before the hobo got it. I refuse to convert my money.
Ayame: That's sheer lunacy. You got your coat from a coat drive? Why, you might as well walk around wearing a sign that says 'I am a failure!' for all that conveys. But not to worry, I can fix you right up! I have lovely clothing here that would suit you perfectly! I could make you almost as beautiful as me!
Mello: *pulls out gun* Did you just call me what I think you called me?! I'll fucking KILL YOU!!
Ayame: Oh. Oh, please, don't do that. There's no need for violence. Calm yourself. Er, I have tea. I'll get tea. Yes.
Mello: Get back here, I haven't shot you yet!
Ayame: *on the phone* Yes, hello, Police? There's a madman waving a gun around in my store. Please, do come quickly!
Mello: *leaves* God damn prick won't even…if he wasn't calling the cops I swear I'd have killed him already…how do I find the bus now…?

~`~`~

Taichi: Hey there, Africa, wanna play soccer?
Near: Why did you just call me Africa? *twists a rubix cube and does not look up*
Taichi: That's not important, play soccer with us.
Near: I don't know you.
Taichi: So? You're at the park, why not? Come on, play with us, do it.
Near: Of what benefit to you would it be if I joined you in your game?
Taichi: We don't have enough people to be even on each team.
Near: Well, I'm quite horrible at these things, so whichever team I joined would be at a severe disadvantage.
Taichi: It doesn't matter how terrible you are, play anyway. You know you want to.
Near: I have no desire whatsoever to do so.
Taichi: Well thanks a lot, you're ruining the game for the rest of us! Uncool.
Near: I have no obligation to you and your friends, seeing as I have never met any of you before today. However, I can see that you are not going to leave me alone unless I oblige you, so I may as well. *stands up to do so, still holding the rubix cube*
Taichi: Okay you know the rules right? Okay you're on my team and I'm passing it to you and the goal's over there RUN!
Near: I don't…really…run. Uh. *stands* Perhaps I could be a goalie…?
Taichi: We already have a goalie! Now run or you'll be totally useless.
Near: That's what I told you I was going to be. Perhaps you should heed my warning next time. *is smacked in the face with a soccer ball* Ow. That was painful.
Taichi: Woah, are you alright? Was that painful?
Near: No, not at all. *rolls eyes* Listen…I have this knife fight scheduled soon, so I'd better get going. It was nice meeting you. Bye.
Taichi: Knife…fight…? *looks around and backs away* I'm really sorry for hitting you by the way.
Near: Don't worry, I won't cut you. I just have this extremely unstable acquaintance, who challenged me to a knife fight for no reason I can comprehend. He won't be pleased if I don't show up for it.
Taichi: Woah, I haven't met anyone who knife fights before. Usually the people I know solve their conflicts in less…or maybe more dangerous, actually. Forget I said that.
Near: I'm not personally a fan of violence, but it's either that or be stabbed in my sleep, so. *shrugs* What can you do?
Taichi: How are we supposed to play the game evenly now?
Near: That is no concern of mine. I'm leaving now. *does so*

Comments

[viola-canina.livejournal.com]

*is extremely amused* The Ash & Light dialogue is FTW. xDDD;;; I remember Pokemon (well, some parts of the official Russian dub based on the official American dub @.@;), so it sounds especially funny. xDDD

[speaky-bean.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, thanks a lot. I'm glad you liked it. I've still got like five of these left to write, one of which I have to write by myself since my sister doesn't know one of the characters. I don't know when I'll get around to it. But it's fun! The pokemon one was intentionally ridiculous--most things about that show didn't make any sense at all, so yay mockery! From what I hear, the original Japanese version didn't make a whole lot more sense either.

[templar1138.livejournal.com]

Heh. Well, the conversation pretty much turned out as I figured it would. I just wanted to see a dialogue of Ash getting Death Noted.

[antiva.livejournal.com]

s;alfkasdf That was AMAZING. XD Thank you so much, it was hilarious! ♥ It's so like Mello to be annoyed by Ayame's rambling about how much of a fail his appearance is, and really, Ayame WOULD say it. Hahaha. XD ♥

[speaky-bean.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it! I wrote Ayame, since my sister doesn't really like Fruits Basket and is thus not too familiar with it--and I suck at writing Aya, so I'm glad it came out okay! XD;

[dayari.livejournal.com]

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-- *coughhackwheeze* Oh God, this is frigging hilarious!!! =D I think my favorite is still the first one:

You've just been Kira'd.
INDEED! XD I love how Ash was so totally clueless and went all "That's awesome, someone's asking for my name!!11!1" XD ♥

That was cool! I really enjoyed it! =)

(By the way, care to explain to a n00b in what way Ash's name is a pun? I'm sorry, that's probably a stupid question... though people keep telling me that there are no stupid questions. XD)

[speaky-bean.livejournal.com]

Ahh, I forgot to reply to this! I'm retarded, sorry. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the dialog. It's actually Ash's LAST name that's a pun. His last name is 'Ketchum', which sounds like 'catch 'em' as in 'gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!' There's another character who's an artist called 'Tracey Sketchum', so yeah, it's kind of the sam e thing. Lame names are lame.